First of all, I want to explain why the blog has gone missing for a few days. As you will have realised, the blog is always several days behind real time. This is usually because I cannot write as fast as we travel! But this time I have a better excuse. As I am writing about Dubai we are actually leaving India and heading towards Maldives, having spent 6 days visiting various ports in India. The ship gets its wifi from the Starlink satellites, which are owned by Elon Musk. It turns out that India is not a fan of Musk (join the club) and in a fit of pique has blocked all signals from Starlink. Consequently the internet is virtually non existent onboard ship and has been for 7 days. We can rarely read and send emails, and and uploading photos and publishing a blog is out of the question.

But now we have left Indian waters I can continue where I left off……….

Having spent days slowly going round in circles off the the Arab Emirates coastline, Oceania has decided to return us to Dubai for a day, as if that will cheer us up

It won’t.

We have visited Dubai a few times and this time it feels as if it has lost some of its mystique. It has gone from the worlds most glamorous city to something on a par with Miami, or, God forbid, the southern coast of Spain, ruined by the hordes of retired footballers and overblown reality stars who now call it home. And sadly wherever these would be A listers go with all their outrageous excesses, an unsavory element of drug dealers and gangsters is sure to follow. And indeed Dubai, long considered one of the safest places to visit is now having to deal with serious crime .

But it is still a fun place to visit and while we have done most of the things tourists are supposed to do in Dubai , we have never taken a high speed boat around the Jumeirah Palms, the man made island where all the glamoratti have their homes

Xclusive Yachts may have trouble spelling words of more than one syllable, but they know how to make an appealing ad

We arrive at their dock in the Marina. We are warned that the sea is a little rough so the ride on the speed boat will be extra bumpy, which in turn means we are liable to get wet. It is 80 degrees so that sounds like fun to me, but Gordon worries about his hair do. I refuse to listen and pay for the tickets before he backs out.

The speed boat will seat about 24 people, but there are only nine of us. Three are young girls with their very well groomed parents.

As we sail out of the marina where boats can go no faster than five knots we have a great view of some of the skyscrapers

One in particular catches our eye as the window cleaners are hard at work suspended hundreds of feet above the ground

Not a job for the faint of heart

Once out into the open water the captain slams the boat into high gear. There is a tremendous roar from the engine and a piercing scream from the youngest of the little girls as the bow of the boat lifts out of the water and the little girl bursts into tears. We seem to fly from one crest of a wave to another, slapping hard into each one. Spray pours all over us. I love it. Gordon does not. He has brought with him his most attractive hat (!) which he pulls down hard over his head and tries to smile as I take his photo.

The captain then flings the boat into a series of tight circles, tipping the side of the boat almost into the water. It is so much fun. Gordon begs to differ.

Suddenly we find ourselves in front of the famous Burj Khalifa hotel. The captain stops the boat to allow for photos

That is when we all become aware that the little girl is still wailing loudly and is clearly terrified. It is hard to understand why her parents made her take this trip. Her mother is clutching her tightly to her chest and stroking her hair but it does little to calm her. The captain talks to the mother in hushed whispers, and the mother tells him that the girl will be alright. But she clearly will not, and the rest of the tour is done at half speed which is really annoying for everyone, except Gordon, who is delighted that the last vestiges of his stylish “do” will remain intact.

Our speed boat is impressive and a lot of fun, but it pales into insignificance when a race car whips across our bow at an alarming speed.

Now why don’t I have one of those?

We tour the “fronds” of the Jumeirah Palm to see how the 0.01 % live. The boat is not allowed to get too close but we can see huge mansions lining the glorious man made beaches that are completely deserted. The obscenely wealthy don’t leave their homes. They live truly private lives and do not want to be seen by anyone, even if they are passing by in a speed boat a mile offshore. They never know who might be pointing a zoom lens at them. That would be me! But my cheap phone has a cheap zoom lens and is nowhere near powerful enough to take a good shot:

But this ad gives you a better idea

In other areas there are racks of apartments for the slightly less wealthy.

See what I mean about the coast of Spain, or perhaps Cancun! The boat is allowed to get much closer here, where the would be glamoratti are happy to be seen cavorting on the beach in their itzy bitzies desperately seeking the attention that the real glamoratti go to great lengths to avoid.

The tour is a little disappointing, mainly because Dubai is a little disappointing. The never seen before glitz and glamour has gone, dissipated by it own success

Personally I blame it all on Will Smith, a huge fan of Dubai, who was quoted as saying : ‘Dubai fits my personality. It just speaks to how I see the world, how I see life”.

Someone please slap him!