“She’s a handsome woman”
It was the family butcher telling me this. He was inexpicably talking about my mother. And I was only 12 years old.
I have never quite forgotten it. Why was he telling ME this. He made it sound like our secret, which was just a little creepy. And why was he calling my mother “handsome”
Women were supposed to be pretty, not handsome. .
I was much older and just a little bit wiser when I came to realise exactly what he meant. My mother was not pretty. Pretty assumed soft and warm. My mother was neither of those things. She ruled our family with a rod of iron and a voice of steel. But she could look striking, and she had obviously struck the butcher. A fact that she used to her full advantage, assuring that we got the best meat the butcher had to offer. She may not have been soft and warm but she could use her womanly wiles when needed
She died some thirty years ago, but today she has been reincarnated. She has returned in the form of the navigation system on the rental car we are currently driving around England.
Whenever I go just one mile an hour over the speed limit, this stern voice eminates from within the car. ” You are exceeding the speed limit”. It says
It is a woman’s voice that sounds remarkably like my mother.
If I continue to drive above the speed limit, the voice sounds much sterner.
“SLOW DOWN!” She says sharply
I shiver. It is most definitely my mother’s voice.
I am afraid her next words will be “Andrew! What did I just tell you?” .
I slow down.
During the hours and days that follow, the speedometer continually suggests that I am speeding (obviously untrue), and each time my mother’s voice sounds more irritated. Mind you, I would be irritated too if I had been anxiously awaiting my reincarnation for over 30 years, only to find that I was now the voice to a mid sized SUV!
Dear readers, it has been quite some time since I have written to you, but this meagre offering is the harbinger of good news.
After three long years, I am finally back on the road again. And traveling with me is Gordon (better know as Ed) the Fabulosity Meter, and rather unexpectedly, my mother.
So please stay tuned. Or if you would rather, send a polite request asking not to be bothered by yet another blog.
Andrews Fabulous Travel Blog 