The population of Tristan Da Cunha is slowly dwindling. Blame it on the internet. The young are seeing a whole new world beyond their tiny island and they want a piece of it. As British Citizens, the brighter children get to go to England or South Africa for their further education. Many decide not to return, further proof that they are brighter than average!

Today the population is exactly 234, and every one of them live in one small settlement, not because it is charming. It most certainly isn’t. It is hard to come up with nice thing to say about it. In case you think I am being a little unfair, this is the main street

The name of the town is Edinburgh of the Seven Seas. It almost has more letters than the town has inhabitants! They all live there because it is the only piece of flat land anywhere on the island. There are no roads out of it because there is nowhere for them to go.

Despite this they nearly all have cars, not all of them in the best condition

Even the police car has seen better days

They all have cars so that they can reach their holiday homes. Really! Those that can afford a second home have one in area with a catchy name – “The Potato Patch”. Not the usual sort of name for a vacation spot, but it is not the usual sort of vacation spot. It is only two miles away, but there is a road there, sort of, hence the need for a car

The Potato Patch is another small flat area where every family has a vegetable patch. Without the produce grown there, the islanders would not be able to survive. It is also their favorite place to visit when they need a break from the drudgery of home life. And believe me, there is a lot of drudgery going on. And when I say it is their favorite place – let’s get real. It is the only other place on the island which is possible to visit. So they have built little weekend cottages next to their plot. Actually, not so much a cottage, more of a garden shed. And if their finances don’t run to a shed, then a tent.

Definitely worth the cost of a car.

They load up the car with their picnics, their folding chairs and their blankets and spend many a happy weekend overlooking their vegetable patch. Maybe not your idea of a weekend break, and certainly not mine, but it is an escape and a change of scenery. And if you lived in Edinburgh of the Seven Seas you would need both. At the end of their stay they load up the car with vegetables from their garden and return home, their batteries recharged, ready for work.

Or not.

Jobs are hard to come by.

The British government employs a few. There is the local post office

always a hive of activity which is why they haven’t had the time to take down their Christmas decorations

Then there is the Agricultural Department

It looks so dismal outside, I couldn’t bring myself to go inside, despite having so many questions: what do they actually do? Regulate the Potato Patches? Why do they need a security camera outside? And why are no children under the age of 16 allowed inside?

Another place you might find a job is at the cafe

with its extensive selection of hand made snacks and its hand made menu

And then there is the gift shop. It’s like stepping back in time………

Its been 13 years and they still can’t get rid of those damn calendars.

But the main source of employment on the island is lobster fishing. The waters around the island are famous for the local rock lobster, or spiny lobster, a species endemic to Tristan Da Cunha. The residents have long enjoyed eating them but it is only recently that the rest of the world has discovered them and today the island has a thriving business of exporting sushi grade lobster. It is considered a great delicacy.

There is little need for money on the island. What are you going to spend it on? If you have your potato patch and a fishing rod you can live quite comfortably, as long as you don’t worry about what the neighbors think

If you do worry about what the neighbors think, there is a lot you can do without spending too much money

If you get bored of the diet of fish and potatoes, chicken is always available, and the price is right

As for entertainment, there isn’t any! Well there is always inbreeding, but if you get tired of that the only alternative is the swimming pool, which believe it or not is an open air pool.

There is no one using it today. It is hard to believe that there ever is! I search for a pool heater but there isn’t one! I ask Andre how warm the water is. He says it depends on how many people are in it. He went on to explain that if you manage to get a few people in it at the same time and they all pee, it gets quite warm.

So, dear readers, if you ever go to Tristan Da Cunha, which I presume is extremely unlikely, I would recommend not packing your swim suit.

When we return to the ship we discover there has been a bit of bartering going on. The ship wanted to buy some of those famous lobsters for us all to try. But Tristan Da Cunha didn’t want money. They wanted to trade. They were in desperate need of dry goods: flour, sugar, rice, etc, plus some frozen chicken . The ship drew up a list of what they could spare, and the islanders took it all. In return we got 240 lobster tails. The next day we had the most amazing barbecue around the pool.

The rock lobsters were amazing, sweeter and tastier than any lobster I have ever eaten.

Everyone was thrilled. We thought we got the best of the deal and the islanders thought they had fleeced us.

How perfect is that.