Sweden had been a neutral and an entirely peaceful country for 210 years and the people are extremely proud of that. And yet at the same time they have an impressive large naval force, they build their own fighter jets and they are one of the worlds foremost builders of submarines.

They may be peaceful, but they are not stupid. Russia lies just across the Baltic sea from them. They have co-existed with Russia for two centuries, but that is a very long time to anxiously hold your collective breath. But today that peaceful co-existence is threatened. That threat is just one man, and the Swedes do not like him. They leave you in no doubt about that. They even put signs in their windows telling you exactly how they feel

Simple, succinct and in English so the whole world can understand.

The city of Karlskrona, where we are today, has a famous maritime museum which houses HMS Neptune, which when launched in 1981 was recognised as a top class submarine. In 2006 she was donated to the museum and has become a huge attraction. Recognising my affinity with submarines – to see my adventures in a submersible back in March of this year go to: Twenty thousand leagues under the sea – well almost – it seems only natural that I should take the tour of HMS Neptune.

From the outside, it is an impressive sight,

That is her all in black on the right, next to Sweden’s first submarine Hajen ( better known as The Shark) from 1904 on the left with a large number 1 painted on her bow. Even in the Museum she looks threatening. The six circles on her nose are the torpedo tubes

Why am I calling the submarine “she”? I have no idea. I mean, take a look.

Does that look male or female to you. There is little doubt in my mind that there is nothing female about HMS Neptune. But ……….

SHE is 160 feet long, has two floors or decks, and had a crew of 19.

Inside the museum you can walk around the outside of the submarine and then go inside the sub, entering from a doorway on the side

Outside she is black and sleek and powerful. Inside there is nothing sleek about her at all. She is a mass of wires and pipes.

Two words of warning, before we go any further. If you are at all claustrophobic don’t even think about going inside. And if you are oversized horizontally or vertically, it is probably not a good idea either.

There is one entrance on the lower deck which houses the dining room and galley. The terminology sounds much grander than the reality.

This is the galley where meals for 19 were cooked

It would hardly be acceptable in a studio apartment! But to cook three meals a day for 19 people!!

The dining room consists of a long narrow wooden table that could seat 10 if it had to, and it normally would, as long as they were thin enough to get between the walls of the sub and the table. After a gourmet meal the crew could retire to their comfortable beds. The higher ranked sailors had a rather spacious room on the lower level with plenty of room for games and reading

The lower ranked had to climb the ladder to the upper level where their somewhat less comfortable quarters were located

If you are wondering why there doesn’t seem to be enough beds for all 19 of the crew, the reason is quite simple. They took it in turns to sleep. So every 8 hours the sleepers changed while the bed linens didn’t. I don’t think this life is for me!

Meanwhile the captain lived in the lap of luxury. He had his own private suite that he didn’t have to share with anyone

He couldn’t share it even if he wanted to.

And let’s not forget the bathrooms. And believe me if you were living on board, you would not forget the bathrooms. Actually, it is not bathrooms plural, it is bathroom singular. One bathroom for nineteen people. That would take a certain amount of discipline and timing, and I suspect you weren’t allowed to take a magazine in with you.

Once you had done (hopefully) whatever you came to do, you popped next door to wash your hands and/or have a shower. Actually, to save time you could do both things at once.

Of course life on board was not all fun and games. There was work to be done.

Someone had to keep an eye on what was going on above the surface. Today that someone is Gordon who really gets into the roll, gaily yelling (and I do mean gaily) “Up Periscope” at any given moment

We move past the periscope into the last narrow passageway where the torpedoes are stored. It seems a rather casual arrangement.

And then suddenly we are at the business end of the submarine. There in front of us are the torpedo tubes.

It is a jarring reminder of what war is all about.

It has been an amazing look at life on board a submarine and one that I am glad I got to see as a tourist and not as a member of the crew.

Back in the hall holding the two submarines there is an example of a toilet from an earlier Submarine

It seems a little more roomy than the one we just saw on the Neptune. It has a nice wooden seat rather than a plastic one, and a grid in front of the toilet to catch anything that doesn’t quite hit the mark. It seems a lot better than the one on HMS Neptune. But is it? This toilet comes with a long list of instructions framed on the wall right next to it.

It is of course in Swedish. It takes me a while to translate it

Use of WC.

1. Close the door and raise the black lever.

2. Use the facility.

3. Move the yellow lever over to the left.

4. Move the green lever up, flushing takes place.

5. Pump with the black lever until the toilet is empty.

6. Move the yellow lever to the right.

7. Lower the black lever and open the door.

That all sounds rather complicated. No wonder they had to have the instructions permanently posted next to the toilet. You would be flushed with success after you completed all of those instructions correctly

But it is the final line that is really worrying:

WARNING. DO NOT TOUCH THE RED LEVER.

I want to know what happens when you do touch the red lever.

Well don’t you?

It has to be pretty bad. But exactly how bad can it be?

Whatever it is, it is so bad they are not going to tell you on the sign.

Just get me back onto my lovely cruise ship. A little champagne and caviar will make me feel better.

Now that’s the way to sail.