How am I doing?

It is a beautiful morning in San Franciso. The skies are blue, a little morning fog lingers over the city clinging to the tallest buildings, and the views are forever.. It’s a spectacular morning to fly out of the City, but it is also a morning that makes you wish you weren’t leaving.

But we are Blanche, we are!

Before I go any further, I want to begin with full disclosure. My written doodles are just that. My thoughts and comments come tumbling out, unencumbered by research or facts, and sometimes without much thought. They are often biased, sometimes humorous, and lets face it, occasionally just a teensy weeny bit mean. They are written for my amusement and hopefully for yours too.

I should have written that years ago as it applies to just about everything I write.

But I thought I should say it today because…….. well, dear readers, ……….. have you ever wondered why all the worlds best airlines come from anywhere but the States. The wealthiest country in the world has third rate airlines. And I will bundle Great Britain in with that statement. British Air and American Airlines vie for the coveted title of employing the oldest, grumpiest and least attractive flight attendants, unaffectionately known as “wagon dragons”

So it is with no high hopes that we board an American Airlines flight from San Francisco to New York. Imagine my surprise when I am greeted at the entrance of the plane by a tall, elegant, strikingly handsome, young man with a body sculpted by many hours at the local gym. His trousers have clearly spent some time, after leaving the uniform shop, at an excellent tailors before stretched over his bulging thighs. The jacket is tapered perfectly to show off his broad shoulders and narrow waist, and the sleeves of his sweater are pushed up to his elbows to show off his muscled forearms. It’s a look that works for me!

When he greets me with his 1000 kilowatt smile, revealing the most perfect set of sparkling white teeth, I am convinced I am on the wrong plane.

I walk back to my business class seat, make myself comfortable and wait for him to appear by my side, crouch down, give me that smile one more time, and ask me what I would like. I am already preparing my answer.

But, ………………………. and yes dear readers, there is a “but”. There is always a “but” when you are flying American. That was just about the last I saw of him. He is of course working the first class cabin. What we have in the business class cabin is just a little different

As I said, there is always a “Butt” on American. And those pink washing up gloves from Walmart are the final touch. She wears them for the entire flight, and even serves our food with them. But to be fair, something I am accused of never being, she does recognise two bubbles drinkers when she sees them and keeps our glasses filled. What more could one ask for?

Well, to anser my own question, it would be nice to have a TV that worked. I try to watch a film but the film keeps flickering and there is no sound. She says she will get the pilot to reset it. The pilot obviously has more important things to do, as it is over an hour before the pink gloves return to tell me the TV should be working perfectly now.

It isn’t! The movie no longer flickers, but the sound is from a completely different movie.

I give up and get more bubbles. Then I press the button to recline the seat and turn it into a lie flat bed. A luxury that I have paid a lot of money for.

Nothing happens.

Pink gloves tells me I must have put something under the seat that has jammed it.

I haven’t.

She leans over me, her ample presence squashed against my face, and presses every button several times with those magical pink gloves.

Nothing happens, other than my near suffocation.

She gives up.

I get more bubbles and sit bolt upright for the rest of the flight, and plan my revenge.