The English have a well deserved reputation for being reserved.

The Americans have an equally well deserved reputation for exactly the opposite

The English are excessively polite. The words “please” and “thankyou” are used so often that Americans ridicule us for it.

The Americans rarely use the words “please” and “thankyou” unless they are being sarcastic. They also don’t understand sarcasm which explains why they never use those words.

The English don’t want to know your name when they first meet you. There is no point as they might never meet you again, and in most instances they are rather hoping they don’t. Should they somehow learn of your name, they make no effort to remember it. Should they meet you again they are not in the least bit emabarrassed by not knowing who the hell you are.

The Americans on the other hand, introduce themselves immediately, and if you don’t offer your name (the English rarely do), then they ask for it. They then repeat it endlessly after every sentence or every breath, which ever comes first, until your name is indelibly written into their memory banks. They want to remember your name because they (intend to) are sure they will meet you again. In fact they are hoping they will meet you several times while they work out whether you could be helpful to them. As soon as they realise you can’t be, they erase their memory bank and never speak to you again.

The English have no intention of being helpful to anyone they don’t know.

The Americans ask endless personal questions. Nothing is sacred. They ask your name, your age, your address, how much you paid for your house, your facelift (they assume everyone over 40 has had one) and your children.

The English never ask a personal question. They don’t want to intrude. And they certainly don’t want you to intrude. And they don’t have facelifts.

The older an American woman gets the more makeup she wears, and the more time she spends at the beauty salon

The older an Englishwoman gets the less makeup she wears, and the less time she spends at the hairdressers.

Americans love to spend money.

The English do not.

Americans love to talk about money and how much they have.

The English would rather die.

This dichotomy is revealed perfectly in the dealings we have with our next hostess…………………….