Her name tag declared her to be LuAnne

It must be a spelling mistake. Surely it should be LooAnne. She looked just like an upside down toilet brush. She was as thin as a rail – there was not a curve to be seen. Just a huge mop of tight curls cascading down to her shoulders, all held in place by a powerful blast of hairspray. Stick her in a toilet bowl, give her a twirl and the bowl would scrub clean in an instant.

She was in fact rather attractive, with huge green eyes and a wide inviting mouth, both of which seemed to laugh whenever she talked. We liked each other instantly but I couldn’t get the toilet brush image out of my mind.

We were sitting in row two of an airplane heading for Dallas, and LuAnne was our extremely entertaining flight attendant. The plane had been sitting on the ground waiting to take off for about 10 minutes. Finally the pilot made the announcement.

“Flight attendants please take your seats and prepare for take off”

Finally we were off

But it was at this moment that a rather elderly couple jumped out of their seats. As usual I am exaggerating. They didn’t jump. It has been decades since they jumped anywhere. They clawed their way out of their seats, pulling desperately on the back of the seat in front of them to lever themselves into an almost upright position (well they were never going to make the fully upright position) Once in the aisle they gathered speed heading for the front of the plane. The husband shot past a startled LuAnne, who was safely belted into the jump seat by the door. He grabbed the toilet door opened it and with a huge sigh of relief locked it behind him. The wife anxiously looked for a second toilet.

At the same time LuAnne pulled at her seat belt and leaped to her feet , placing herself firmly between the wife and the toilet.

“Can I help you “ LuAnne asked.

“I need a toilet” the wife whispered in embarrassment.

“There is only one at the front of the plane. The others are WAAAAY in the back of the plane” LuAnne told her, making the distance sound like a huge journey hoping the wife would give up her quest. But she didn’t or couldn’t. She started the long walk back, holding onto every seat as she went, consumed by an air of desperation

“Don’t worry, it’s all about you “ LuAnne said quietly to the wife’s departing back . Realizing that I must have heard, she gave me a huge wink. “Please don’t worry about the rest of us” she continued “The pilot is quite happy to hold up the flight for as long as you need, and none of us is in a hurry” By this time we were both giggling like school girls.

LuAnne watched and waited for the lady to come out of the toilet. She called the captain and told him what was going on. And we all waited.

And we all waited some more.

A week and a half later the toilet door opened and the wife emerged smiling with relief and looking a good 10 pounds thinner. You could sense that the entire plane wanted to burst into applause, but for once good manners took over and we all watched as she slowly made her way forward, looking this way and that.

“She has forgotten where her seat is” LuAnne told us with a smile.

“The plane is completely full” she continued “there is only one empty seat and she can’t find it”

So dear readers, our journey starts. It is a short journey, just 12 days cruising the Caribbean, but already the toilet jokes have started.

I have clearly reached a new low, even though you didn’t think that was possible. I will try hard to bring back the Fabulosity meter, but if you decide enough is enough, I will completely understand.