No, not those Sisters.

I suspect some of my readers, especially those not living in the US, will not know of the The Benign Order of the Sisters of Indulgence, a “nunnery” of raucous drag queens across the United States who dress up in outrageous outfits and have a lot of fun, while fighting for gay rights, hosting charitable events, and raising money for gays in need. They give themselves names such as Sister Boom Boom and Sister Feral Streep

They are fabulous!

But no! I am not talking about those Sisters.

I am talking about The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence who have joined us on the cruise. They too wear a lot of makeup, but it is applied more tastefully, they too dress up every evening, but in designer dresses rather than home made ones, and they too………………well, no, they probably don’t! But they most definitely are raucous. You do not have to see them to know where they are. Even if they are on a different deck you can hear them.

And they really are sisters, and I have taken the liberty of giving them names

We first met them in the dining room.

This photo was taken literally within minutes of meeting them, which should give you an idea of their behaviour. That is Sister Dullas Dishwater on the left, Sister Abra Cadabra in the middle and Sister Jessa Belle on the right. Note how two of them immediately go into posing mode, while Dullas Dishwater barely manages a smile, but stares straight at the camera. Jessa Belle is already sticking her ample busom out and smooching Gordon, while Abba Cadabra throws her head back in feigned delight making sure that there is not one wrinkle showing on her neck. And then the careful placement of the handbag, label pointing towards the lens. This is not their first time in front of a camera!

The Maitre D’ was walking us to our table. We passed an older couple sitting at a table looking shell shocked. Standing over them were the sisters, laughing and talking to them. I should rephrase that. They were talking AT them. And they were very loud. The Maitre D’ ignored them. But they did not ignore us. Abra Cadabra grabbed me with both hands and yelled

“Boys! Boys! You have to help us. You are so fabulous. You have to come here and help us”

Gordon managed to somehow ignore them and follow the Maitre D to our table. I couldn’t. Abra Cadabra had grabbed me with both hands and was not letting go.

“This lovely couple were sitting all on their own,” Abra Cadabra screamed, “so I thought I would cheer them up with one of my famous magic tricks, and I need your help.”

I wanted to shake her off but the older couple at the table were looking so bewildered and their eyes were pleading with me to help.

The trick involved spreading a napkin on the table, and getting me to place a tooth pick in the middle of the napkin. Abra Cadabra then folded the napkin into an envelope with the toothpick inside. All this was done with a crescendo of noise and laughter. Entire tables of people were turning their heads and giving disapproving looks. Jessa Belle’s hands were running up and down my back. A long way down my back! Dullas Dishwater did nothing. The old couple would rather be anywhere but here.

Abba Cadabra then turned to me and said “Where is the lovely man you were with”

He was sitting quietly at our table, trying to look invisible, with his back towards us. But not for long. Abra Cadabra yelled at him across the restaurant, and Jessa Belle took her hand away from my backside and ran over to Gordon, leant over him revealing even more of her assets and dragged him back to the magic trick.

Abra Cadabra then had the poor old man feel the toothpick inside the napkin and break it in two, and then again into three.

Then Abba Cadabra with practicised showmanship and a great deal of laughter unfolded the napkin, revealing the toothpick intact and unbroken.

Meanwhile the table next door had summoned the Maitre D’ who came over and talked to us like naughty children, telling us to sit down and be quiet.

The elderly couple quickly left under the protection of the Maitre D’ and we retired to our table, tail between our legs.

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence professed their undying love to us, and wanted to join us at our table. But it was a table for two and there was no room for them, for which we were eternally grateful. But the Sisters were not easily put off. Abra Cadabra offered air kisses and hugs, Jessa Belle offered kisses with no air but a lot of skin, and Dullas Dishwater smiled nicely. They were, they said, so happy to have found us, and announced that we should spend the rest of the cruise together.

“That would be fun” we said with a minimum amount of enthusiam……………………….

…………while thinking the exact opposite.

Stay tuned.