They grew up in New Jersey.

Perfect. That explains everything. Loud, brassy and trouble.

They now live in Palm Beach, Florida

Even more perfect. Loud, brassy, trouble and rich !

Yes, I am talking about the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Many of you have been asking what happened to them. They are still on board and still very much the center of everyone’s attention. They cannot be ignored.

This is their first time on Crystal Cruises. Regent was their line of choice until the Ritz Carlton entered the business. Now they will only sail on Ritz Carlton ships.

OK. Loud, brassy, trouble and very rich .

And having a drink with us in the bar.

We didn’t invite them to join us. They just did.

They will not be ignored

They reveal that even the very rich have their limits. They have just returned from a cruise on the brand new Four Seasons ship, creatively named the “Four Seasons 1”. It was a 9 day cruise and the price was about $25,000 per person!!

How is that for perpetual indulgence!

They paid that without blinking an eye, but were shocked to find out that only breakfast was included in that price. They had to pay for every meal, ordering from a menu as if you were in a regular (and very expensive) restaurant. They hadn’t expected that, but they dealt with it. But what really pissed them off was that they had to pay for all their alcoholic drinks. That would be way more than the cost of a meal! Believe me, I have watched them in action, their drinks bill would send any normal person to the poor house.

The sisters are from New Jersey. They do not hide their feelings. When they are unhappy, everyone knows it. At the end of this tale of woe, Abracadabra raised her martini glass and made a toast – in her own inimitable way: “here’s to the Four Seasons…..Fuck’em!”

I asked her what she thought of Crystal.

She paused for a while, and replied “OK, I guess, but it’s so boring! That’s why I do my magic tricks. To cheer the place up!”

I’m not sure that’s working!

They order more drinks. We make our excuses and leave them to it.

We are being careful not to get too friendly – that could lead to all sorts of trouble. But what I really want to know is where does all their money come from? And even more interesting, why have they all left New Jersey – OK that’s an easy answer. But why have the three of them moved to Palm Beach and why do they all travel together? So many questions so few answers!

And there is not one wedding ring between them. I have checked carefully. What’s that all about? In fact none of them wear rings, except for Jessa Belle, who has a large glitzy thing on her index finger. Don’t fabulously wealthy women wear too many rings. There has to be a blog in all of this. But I trust my gut – I will not get involved.

Later that evening we go into dinner – and there they are again. Sat at a table with a poor unsuspecting single man, performing the same old magic trick.

Abracadabra sees me coming and screams with delight pulling me into their table. It is obvious that they have had several more martinis since we left them. She explains to the man that I am her assistant and asks me to place the toothpick in the middle of the napkin (you can see it there if you look carefully).

She then begins the whole rigmarole, wraps the toothpick up in the napkin and gets the man to break the toothpick in three. She is talking non stop and the decibel level is rising considerably. Then she unfolds the napkin to reveal the toothpick in its original state, unbroken, and voila…………………………..there is the toothpick ………..broken in three pieces. She fxxxxx up!

All three sisters shriek with laughter. Everyone around us is looking. She blames me for messing up the trick. She has never got it wrong. It must have been something I did, she says.

“Maybe it was the martinis?” I suggest.

More shrieks of laughter.

I make a hasty retreat, before the Maitre D’ comes after me again.

A little later, as Gordon and I are finishing our meal, Abracadabra comes over. More alcohol has been consumed. Signs of her age are begining to show.

She perches unsteadily on the arm of Gordon’s chair and breathes alcohol all over him.

Every man wants a beautiful woman on his arm. Right?

But does everyman want a loud brassy woman who is definitely trouble on his arm. Even if she is very rich.

Mmmmmmmm!

Let me think about that.

Actually, I don’t have to think about that. We are getting off the ship tomorrow.

Its a fond farewell to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.