Could this really be Bollywood?

Our boring guide rattles off a few facts he has remembered by heart.

An unbelievable 14 million Indians go to the movies every day, where tickets cost just 50 cents.

Bollywood produces 1500 to 2000 films every year. Hollywood struggles to do 500.

Could this really be where most of those films are made?

As our driver tries to find a space to park his car in what passes for a car park, we notice that the area seems to be where the props are made

At least this gentleman seems to be an actual craftsman

It also is where a lot of office work is done

and where the lighting and sound equipment is stored

Lord knows what happens in the monsoon season?

There is absolutely nothing glamorous about any of this and we are beginning to feel disheartened. But then we spot a rather fine looking gentleman standing still in the middle of the chaos.

The position of his feet give it away. He is used to posing. He must be a film star. We ask the guide, but he just shrugs

At this point another car draws up. Another tour guide gets out and opens the door for two women who are also from the ship. Unlike us, they bound out of the car full of excitement and laughs. When we see their guide we understand why.

Now he has the exuberance we were hoping for. Actually his exuberance is more like flamboyance, He is young and very overweight. His red Bollywood Tour T shirt fits him like a glove, which is a polite way of saying it is way too tight. Every curve, every roll of his body is highlighted. He has a pile of carefully groomed jet black hair on top of his head, an enormous and rather ugly ring on his finger and a large gold earring studded with jewels in his ear. When the sun catches the earring it dazzles, which I am sure is the point. But best of all is his huge enchanting smile. He comes rushing over to us, arms outstretched in greeting and crushes us to his voluptuous body. He is a star! Or at least he thinks he is. It is love at first sight.

He tells us his name is Xavier, which I doubt. But I am happy to call him that. He stands back and stares at Gordon for a very long time.

“You remind me of someone” he says “I just haven’t quite got who it is”

Now dear readers, those of you who were reading along with our previous land tours of India will remember that Gordon was continually mistaken for a film star. I was ignored. It was very annoying. On our very last trip they thought he was Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise! I ask you!. He was mobbed wherever he went. It was extraordinary and just a teensy weensy bit annoying – for me at least.

I sensed this was going to be a similar moment

We waited in anticpation. If he said Tom Cruise I was going to slap him.

“I’ve got it” he said.

I held my breath

“Ric Flare – you look just like Ric Flare”

Now dear readers, how many of you know who Ric Flare is? I suspect very few. And Gordon certainly didn’t, which was a blessing. But I did, and I have to say I LOVED IT !

Ric was one of those flamboyant wrestlers who were so popular three decades ago. How on earth did Xavier know of him. Apparently he is a huge fan of American wrestling, and when he is not watching movies he is watching wrestling, and Ric Flare is one of his favourites. So Xavier thinks he is paying Gordon a huge complement. I am not so sure! Here are a couple of photos of Ric in his prime:

And here is a photo of Gordon

Do you see the resemblance?

I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in years.

But I digress – let’s get back to Bollywood………………….