He is a large man, with a round jolly face and very little hair. His cheeks are ruddy and his lips a dark shade of purple, befitting a man that spends most of his time outside. He is a member of the Expedition crew on board ship, but he is the only one who doesn’t wear the standard red parka. He prefers an old tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows, a huge scarf wrapped around his neck and a tweed cap with ear flaps. He couldn’t be more British if he tried, and he really is trying. He even has the bad teeth to complete the picture. And his name is Alistair. How perfect is that! Plus he is an ornithologist. Of course he is! Anything else would sound like a real job, which wouldn’t do at all. I have come across him a few yards away from a clump of bushes, where he is standing perfectly still listening intently.

“Can you hear that tweeting?” he asks. His voice is rather high pitched and he pronounces every syllable of every word with great care.

“It is the call of a Falkland wren” he tells me.

“Extremely rare. I have only ever seen one in my life. Help me spot it” he asks rather breathlessly.

“Happily” I reply” But what does it looks like”

Not an unreasonable question, I thought

“It’s an LBJ ” he replies in a tone that suggests I shouldn’t have to ask.

I look completely blank, mainly because I have no idea what an LBJ is. A BJ I would know, but an LBJ?

He looks at me as if I am completely stupid, and says in an exasperated voice “A little brown job”

This is our second stop in the Falklands. We are just an hours sail away from West Point Island, which you may remember I accused of having a rather boring name. This island’s name is much more promising, Carcass Island. A wonderfully grim name that conjures up all sorts of intriguing images. But nothing could be further from the truth. It gets its name from the HMS Carcass which surveyed the island in 1766. Today it is known for its huge variety of bird life and little else. But so many birders come here that it even has its own little lodge

The zodiacs drop us a short walk from the lodge

“Lodge” seems a rather grand term for a small cluster of distinctly unimpressive buildings. Some appear to be little more than huts. I will check Trip Advisor to see how many stars it has, but something tells me I won’t be rushing to book a room. The main house is a little more attractive

It is surrounded by a wild and windswept garden. In and around that garden there happen to be several striated caracaras hanging out. Now please contain your excitement, but this bird (that’s what a striated caracara is) is the main reason for visiting the island. It is the second rarest bird of prey in the world. There are only 750 pairs left. Their main habitat is the Falkland Islands, and they are particularly fond of Carcass Island.

As birds of prey they are expected to feed on rodents, fish, small birds, and little chicks. And while they do just that, they are more of a scavenger. They are lazy and would rather feed on carrion which involves little exertion, or on scraps of household waste which involves no exertion whatsoever. Which presumably is why they are attracted to a place called Carcass Island. And why they always seem to be on the ground, rather than flying

As a chick, the Caracara is something only a mother could love

As an adult, it is a fearsome looking bird with a wicked beak that can break almost anything.

It always looks rather disheveled as if it has just been sorting through a load of trash, which it probably has.

It is incredibly curious, and will investigate anything and everything in the hope that it might be edible

They show no fear of humans, allowing you to get up close and personal. But if it feels threatened in any way, it gives you his “don’t mess with me” look

As I try to take a photograph of one, it walks right up to me and gives me attitude! This is his “now, exactly who are you, and why are you looking at me like that?” look.

Research has shown that the caracara, much like the crow, is an amazingly intelligent bird. You can see it in the look he is giving me. It can recognize human faces and solve simple puzzles as long as it involves getting food at the end of it.

But Alistair has already seen the striated caracara. He is much more excited by the three endemic birds of the Falkland Islands

One is the Falkland thrush, which I am able to tell him I have already seen. I even have a photo to prove it. Alistair is impressed.

The second is the Falkland wren which Alistair is searching for right now.

And the third is…….well actually I have already forgotten what the third is. I am really not that interested. I don’t want to end up with ruddy cheeks and leather patches.

For a common or garden tourist like me, a scavenger with attitude is all I need to make my day.

Back on board ship, Alistair tracks me down.

“I thought you might find this useful” he says , handing me a printed sheet

It seems Alistair has attitude too.